Just a few thoughts on a few random things happening and reoccurring here in my mind:
Perhaps it is just pure, raw female hormone pulsing within me, but I have been very emotional lately. I have cried every day since Sunday, either in an expression of happiness or sadness or fear.
My dear friend Michelle gave birth Sunday night to Adelina, her second daughter, in a labor much like mine with Arlo. I was at the birth center as child care for her older daughter and was able to witness Meera's first meeting with her younger sister. I cried with joy at this moment and sadness in remembering the same meeting of Sam and Arlo. It feels like yesterday I was in that moment and yet so long ago.
Arlo is taking to the weaning quite well and I cry for this reason. I am not ready to wean to him though I know that it is the right thing to do and it will be best for all of us when the surgery comes around. Reactions from others about my weaning of Arlo have varied. Some sort of shrug like it is no big deal and others try to sympathize and justify with the same ideas and thoughts I tell myself.
For the record; it is a very big deal to me and I feel my relationship changing with him in a way that I am not ready for. Arlo seems to be dealing in the way that he always has by gently expressing his concern, but fairly easily being comforted and/or distracted.
In remembering my birth of Arlo I am also remembering the loss of my mother or rather thinking of her a lot and wishing I could talk to her about everything that is happening. My dad has been great to talk to as well as my sister. I have been exchanging some very meaningful emails with Pat....but there is no replacement. I don't expect there to be. The feelings of loss and the ache of missing her is a reality and a fact, but those feelings have been very strong in the past few days.
Being in our new house has brought me so much joy, though I feel displaced and in a new environment. I know in time I will feel very comfortable here. It is just time that needs to pass.
My uncle said something to me in a phone conversation recently about blogging. He didn't understand why people feel the need to put personal information out into the internet world, open for all to see. I guess I understand why some folks wouldn't want to do that and I have sometimes wondered why I am compelled to blog. I am certain that I really enjoy it and in the past 3 years I have kept a consistent "journal" of sorts. Before that I had tried and tried and hadn't succeeded since my high school years. I also enjoy knowing that my close friends and family can keep in touch with the everyday things happening with us. Mostly I don't mind if strangers read what I write. Perhaps they will find some console in my experiences.
