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What I Should be Doing and What I am....

What I should be doing right now is unpacking boxes that are filling our bedroom....what I am doing is watching The Moment of Truth on Fox and writing this post! I am really waiting for American Idol which is my guilty pleasure and I almost never get to see it.

I am just wasted after today. I spent all morning with Matt meeting with one of my surgeons, Dr. Ghandi and all afternoon meeting with my pulmonologist, Dr. Morlock, then picking up CT Scan films and Bronchoscopy slides for my second opinion meeting with a new surgeon, Dr. Chang in Ann Arbor next week, then meeting with Dr. Ghandi again to review the CT Scan slides.

What you see below is one slice of a series of many of CT scan films. It is all digital and when you look at the CD on a computer it is interactive...very cool! If you look at the lower portion of my right lung (pictured on the left side) you'll see an irregularly shaped black object....this is the bugger!

Today Dr. Ghandi told me that he'll remove the entire lower lobe of my right lung. Whew! I am actually feeling really good about all of this. I am past the scary freak-out stage and am feeling glad that this is all getting figured out. 

The details:

1. The surgery is called a Thoracotomy or Lobectomy.

2. I will have one rib removed, then the muscles spread and the lower lobe removed.

3. A few of my lymph nodes will be removed for testing.

4. The surgery lasts 3-4 hours.

5. I will spend 1-2 days in the ICU following the surgery and an additional 3-4 days in the hospital.

6. There is an 8-10% chance of a secondary lung infection after the surgery.

7. I will have drain tubes and be on Morphine via IV drip. The pain medication will gradually decrease to Vicodin and then to Tylenol over the 6 week recovery.

8. Once at home I will be in serious recovery in bed for 3 weeks and for 3 weeks beyond that I will not be allowed to pick up anything weighing more than 8 pounds!

9. Most of the pain should be gone by the end of the 6 weeks though some still feel a bit of pain for months to follow.

10. We can try to conceive again within 10 weeks of the surgery...or as soon as I am feeling up to the prerequisite activity! ;)

Thoughts

Just a few thoughts on a few random things happening and reoccurring here in my mind:

Perhaps it is just pure, raw female hormone pulsing within me, but I have been very emotional lately. I have cried every day since Sunday, either in an expression of happiness or sadness or fear.

My dear friend Michelle gave birth Sunday night to Adelina, her second daughter, in a labor much like mine with Arlo. I was at the birth center as child care for her older daughter and was able to witness Meera's first meeting with her younger sister. I cried with joy at this moment and sadness in remembering the same meeting of Sam and Arlo. It feels like yesterday I was in that moment and yet so long ago.

Arlo is taking to the weaning quite well and I cry for this reason. I am not ready to wean to him though I know that it is the right thing to do and it will be best for all of us when the surgery comes around. Reactions from others about my weaning of Arlo have varied. Some sort of shrug like it is no big deal and others try to sympathize and justify with the same ideas and thoughts I tell myself.

For the record; it is a very big deal to me and I feel my relationship changing with him in a way that I am not ready for. Arlo seems to be dealing in the way that he always has by gently expressing his concern, but fairly easily being comforted and/or distracted. 

In remembering my birth of Arlo I am also remembering the loss of my mother or rather thinking of her a lot and wishing I could talk to her about everything that is happening. My dad has been great to talk to as well as my sister. I have been exchanging some very meaningful emails with Pat....but there is no replacement. I don't expect there to be. The feelings of loss and the ache of missing her is a reality and a fact, but those feelings have been very strong in the past few days.

Being in our new house has brought me so much joy, though I feel displaced and in a new environment. I know in time I will feel very comfortable here. It is just time that needs to pass.

My uncle said something to me in a phone conversation recently about blogging. He didn't understand why people feel the need to put personal information out into the internet world, open for all to see. I guess I understand why some folks wouldn't want to do that and I have sometimes wondered why I am compelled to blog. I am certain that I really enjoy it and in the past 3 years I have kept a consistent "journal" of sorts. Before that I had tried and tried and hadn't succeeded since my high school years. I also enjoy knowing that my close friends and family can keep in touch with the everyday things happening with us. Mostly I don't mind if strangers read what I write. Perhaps they will find some console in my experiences.

Thoracotomy

Well, I have a lot to write to about and I am not sure how to begin all that has come about since we moved into our new house...I'll give the short version now, with links, and the longer version later...

• We did move in! YEAH! I love the house! It looks amazing and slowly we are unpacking room by room. So far the boys have a play room, the living room, kitchen and bedroom are mostly done. They are at an enjoyable state....pictures later...
• My Dad is still here and will leave on Friday, but he's been an invaluable help! Thanks Dad!
• In a recent visit to my pulmonologist a growth was discovered in my lower right lung, which since has been diagnosed as a Bronchopulmonary Sequestration.
• I will be having a Thoracotomy sometime in the next month or so.
• I am handling all the news ok.
• I will be weaning Arlo before the surgery.
• Sam had lots of questions as he heard snippets of conversations and after I talked to him about my "owie", he seems to be doing quite well.

If you are reading this and are shocked or surprised and didn't already know, I am sorry I haven't had time to call everyone with the move and all. It has all happened so fast.

Please feel free to call and talk and ask questions if you have any and forgive me for posting this as news en mass and not being more personal about it.

...and here they are....

"Before" images are on top and "after" images on bottom. We still have lots of trim to paint and the kitchen is still "under construction", but we're getting very close! We are planning on moving in this weekend. Please note the lighting in the photos taken this Fall and then the lighting in the photos taken now...in the dead of winter! More photos later...

   

3's

1. I ran over our only working stroller with the car, bent the wheel and it is now a really funky ride.

2. I slipped while walking across the driveway at the new house and dropped our digital camera. A large piece of metal came flying off. I taped it back on with blue painter's tape, but the flash is broken and it is doing random strange things.

3. While driving in lunch hour traffic I rear ended a large home made metal trailer. The brake lights weren't on and traffic around me was moving, giving me the sensation that he was moving also....not so. The only damage done was a small crack in our plastic fender. The owner of the truck and trailer said to me upon seeing that there was no damage to his trailer, "man, that is the 4 time this week I've been rear-ended!"....and this is why we have brake lights!

1. Arlo vomited all afternoon the other day.

2. Sam vomited last night and was then awake for 2 hours.

3. Who's next??

Where We Are: A List

• The painting at the new house happened all weekend and it looks amazing...albeit still very messy and looking very much like a construction zone, there is progress and a lot at that. I will post photos soon.
• We've postponed move in to get more done. Our friend that helped us paint has offered to give a day this weekend to help with trim work and prepping the kitchen for painting...which we were just going to do after moving in, but it seems smarter to do it while the whole place is a mess.
• Andy, my brother-in-law patched the rough spot in the ceiling where the cabinets were removed in the kitchen. It looks great though it still needs some surface smoothing and paint...were 75% done with that one!
• It looks like my Dad might come out next week to offer help in the whole "Grieshop Forest Road House Remodel"...thanks Dad!
• Arlo was puking all afternoon yesterday for no apparent reason...maybe a physical reaction to the hectic craziness of our life lately...
• The snow keeps falling, though this weekend is supposed to warm into the 40's so I am hoping for some reprieve.
• Matt and I will be involved with the Michigan Organic Farm Conference this weekend. We had completely forgot about it with all this house hub-bub, but life outside of our house renovations seems to continue....how crazy is that??
• And, I am hanging in there. It has been a rough transition from having lots of help to having none and I feel very pulled between two places, though it feels good to have lots underway and near completion in the new house.

I need to extend a HUGE thank you to Pat, Jim and Andy for all of their knuckle-bleeding, knee-bruising, back-breaking work this weekend and last week! I feel incredibly blessed to have my family so close and/or so willing to travel to help us "raise" our house. It really makes this house so much more of a home.