Back In and Still In

We've officially moved back in to our house! The move on the 21st went very well, nice and smooth with lots of help from friends and loved ones. My Dad arrived around noon and helped get beds set up and boxes moved around. The furniture was delivered without a hitch and now, a bit over a week later, we are feeling mostly settled. We have living spaces cleared and many boxes unpacked...enough to feel comfortable for now.
A few photos are below. I think they are mostly self explanatory, though I have to say that the bunk beds are Sam's and he is VERY proud! Our first night in the house he was in PJ's by 6 p.m. all ready for bed and LOVES sleeping on the top bunk! Arlo likes his bed as well and other a night or two of fit-full sleep, they have adjusted amazingly.


Today is my mother's birthday and she would have been 60 years old. I thought it would have been nice if Otis arrived today, but so far there are no signs that he will! He is still in! From the photos above I am sure you can see that the birthing space in the bedroom is all ready, the baby room is ready (minus a crib, which will arrive any day) and we have officially begun the "waiting for baby" game. I even finished the blanket I started for him a month ago (you can see it draped over the back of the rocker in our bedroom).
We'll certainly keep you posted and if there are any images you are missing let me know and I'll try to get some more detailed photos up here.

Quick note

Just a quick note to let everyone know that we hve finally moved in to our house!! The move this weekend went very well and we all feel so relaxed being back in there.
I will post pictures soon.
We have no internet at the house, just at the rental which we'll be completely done with by this Friday!
Sorry for lack of communication over the last few days.....

More to come!

Passing *Update*

Matt's grandfather, John Donovan, passed away on Wednesday, the 18th.

Over the years that I have been in the Grieshop family, I never really came to know Grandpa very well. He was a man of few words around me. He was a firefighter in NYC for many years and was a hard worker. In the years before his health deteriorated, he enjoyed taking very long walks and sometimes these walks would fill most of his day. I was always very impressed that he had such a contemplative past time and wondered what he thought about on his walks.

I know he enjoyed getting to meet his great-grandsons, especially Sam, as he outgrew the baby stages and am glad that Sam was able to meet him, even if just a few times.
Grandpa had a thick NY accent and I don't think I'll ever forget the way he always said, "Nice dinner, Patricia", after a meal, and she'd respond, Thank you, Daddy", despite her age.

On one visit I remember him telling me that he thought I was doing a great job with Sam and to "keep it up". Those words meant a great deal to me at the time, and still do, as it was the nicest and most sincere thing he ever said to me.


This weekend Matt's family is gathering to have a small memorial ceremony honoring Grandpa. Of course, we will not be there and it is very hard for Matt to be missing this event. It is really tearing him up inside. I hate to see him upset about it and it is hard for me to not feel like it is my fault. I know it's just timing.

Grandpa will be missed. He held a history of Matt's family, of my family now, that is gone in a way. I am sure he had some incredible stories of his years in this world and I am sorry I didn't get to hear more of them.

Moving and Knitting and Babies.

We have finally been given a move-in date! Our contractor has said we can start moving things in February 16; that is less than a week away. We will actually make the official move back into our house on the 21st...almost exactly 5 months since the fire!

A couple days after the fire we sat outside of our burned house, the air filled with that burned smell I'll never forget. Nothing like a campfire. It was a complex mix of burned plastics and paint and hair and fibers and sadness and memories. Just awful.
I was so nervous about meeting our insurance adjuster. I had this crazy image in my head of a pencil thin white guy in a suit carrying a clipboard and wearing a skinny little mustache. Of course he was out to get us, he was going to blame us for the fire despite what the fireman had determined as the cause.
With that fear came pure excitement to meet with the contractor that would rebuild our house. For some reason I had it in my head that we'd be back in by Christmas. That excitement was smothered by shock when Marv told us February. I lost it, tears streaming. I'll never forget the look on his face.
And my fears of the insurance adjuster were smothered when I met Brenda, a Midwestern mother of two, wearing a sweat shirt and jeans. She stepped aside for a moment in the middle of our meeting to take a call from her son. I knew then things were going to be okay.

Today we had the final walk through with Marv and Joe (the head carpenter). It felt so good to be walking through our house put back together, looking better than it did the day we moved in a year ago. New flooring throughout, freshly painted, new lighting fixtures and some bathroom remodeling....wow, I can't believe this is *my* house! It almost feels like we don't deserve to live in a place so nice...almost.

In the past few weeks of restricted activity I have been trying to get some knitting done and have managed to complete a few projects and start a few more! Sam lost a pair of socks I had knit him in the fire and he wanted a replacement pair. "Green this time, Mommy", he said. I dutifully knit him some green socks. It was fun and quick and he loved them so much he wore the first one for two days before the second one was even done, then he wore the pair of them for 3 days straight!
I managed to knit my first pair of adult mittens in December and am excited to start another pair soon. They are also a quick, satisfying knit. I started a baby blanket for this little guy, breaking my usual tradition of sewing a baby quilt. Since my sewing machine is still at the restoration company and I don't really have space to do one here. The timing is such that knitting one has been easier as well...though it will take a while.
I am knitting with a Kashmir Aran yarn that is so soft. I have wanted to knit with it for so long, but didn't have the occasion or finances to rationalize spending nearly $60 in yarn for one blanket!! The time has come and it will be a beautiful gift for my sweet, third son when he arrives.
In other knitting news, I have recently received two gift packages from dear friends across the country, both including some pretty fantastic yarns and sweet one-skein project book! One of the yarns is a blend of silk and seaweed! I am very excited to start some projects after the baby blanket is complete. I think I might have about 4 projects on needles by the end of this month! Whew!

Yesterday marked 36 weeks in the pregnancy. With one more week of restricted activity to go, I am seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. However, this whole experience has been hard for me. At first I thought I would welcome the rest and quiet and time alone. What big pregnant mother of 2 active boys wouldn't want that, right? But with the rest and quiet and time alone also came loneliness and seclusion and my spirits have been kind of low the last week. I haven't seen most of the women I usually see every week and I generally stay quite active. So to suddenly be very still and relying on others to do most everything for me, is just not in my nature!

I had a visit from a good friend in the afternoon yesterday and she brought with her a big bag of home made foods, farm eggs and her two sweet sons. Her younger son is just 6 weeks old and I was able to hold him while he slept on my chest for over an hour. It was so special and just what I needed. He curled his little legs up under his belly and rested his little head on my chest and sighed and slept and I could smell his sweet baby smell. I was reminded of why I am taking things easy right now and reminded of what is to come for me in the upcoming weeks. It was a perfect hour and I am more excited than ever to meet our little Otis (there you have, it.....Otis).

Two Years Ago Today

For those of you that know me closely, you'll know what happened two years ago today without reading about it here.   And thank you for all of your sweet emails and Facebook notes...I appreciate your thoughts.

I have been feeling a bit more sensitive today and I did cry this morning when I read the eCard my Dad sent my sister and I. Even though he has a girlfriend now and is with her today and that seems so surreal to me, he knew just what to say.

And so I sit with Arlo next to me, the evening sun casting beautiful shadows across the backyard thick and smooth with fresh snow and I remember two years ago today. The light outside is quite like the light was that day. The stillness in this house is quite like the stillness of that day.

Two days ago I experienced what was as close to labor as I remember from Arlo's birth 26 months ago. Too early to have this baby, after some tests and great discussion, my midwives have put me on restricted activity for 3 weeks to deter preterm labor. It is hard to sit still.

In my efforts to rest this afternoon I have been on Facebook, Youtube, checked email, watched new episodes of this tv show and that one, and finished knitting Sam some socks. In my internet wanderings I watched this video of Kelly Corrigan reading an excerpt from her book "The Middle Place", sent to me in an email from a dear friend. I cried and cried by the end of the 5 minute video and just had to find her book. Our local library had no copies in print available to check out, but had an ePrint version I downloaded and "borrowed" on my computer. I read the first three chapters quickly and then sat down to write this.

The entire second chapter of her book is all about her Dad. After reading it and thinking about my Dad  I wondered if I could write in such detail about him. I feel like I can't remember much about the way things were before my Mom's death or how my Dad was. However, in reading her writings I had  a refreshed appreciation for my Dad, for his situation now. 

In some ways her death has made me feel closer to my Dad and in other ways I feel more critical of him. 

In our society, so much emphasis is placed on the mother as the nurturer, the bringer of life. And yet, in many families, in my family growing up, the father played an equally important role. 

The Bush daughters wrote a very sweet letter to Obama's daughters and the last few sentences really resonated with me:

"Many people will think they know him, but they have no idea how he felt the day you were born, the pride he felt on your first day of school, or how much you both love being his daughters. So here is our most important piece of advice: remember who your dad really is."

So this afternoon as I sit and remember the passing of my mother, I am also thinking of my father, who is living and still very much a part of my life. He loved my mother very much and still does, despite new companions, routines or experiences. And he is still very much the father of my childhood. He carries that history which we share.

As Kelly Corrigan wrote, "He defined me first, as parents do. Those early characterizations can become the shimmering self-image we embrace...in my case, he sees me as I would like to be seen."

Oh yeah, I'm pregnant!

People laugh when I tell them that daily I forget I am going to have another baby! Really, I do. I know that my giant belly should be the constant reminder, but when you grow gradually you tend to get used to your size and you are just "you". I do have moments when I realize that in just 8 short weeks we'll have three kids and one will be a newborn baby! Exciting, scary...mostly exciting. I haven't posted much about the pregnancy beyond the early stages of nausea and extreme discomfort. Mostly it has been a pretty good pregnancy; harder than the other two, but the stress levels of life have been much greater this time around. Plus, you know, I already have two kids to take care of.

11 weeks

22 or 23 weeks

28 weeks

 32 weeks

I have been measuring just about the same as I did with the other two boys, 4-5 weeks big, which doesn't mean a lot for me. I grow babies, how I grow them and I grow them around 10 lbs. or so. We're still hoping to have this guy at home and assuming we'll get back into our house when they are telling us, that should be easy to do. I am beginning to get the desire to do some nesting, but have no real "nest" to prepare, so I knit! Ha! I started a blanket for this baby and really enjoy working on it and imagining him all wrapped up and in my arms!

The boys are getting increasingly curious about when the baby will come out. We read a lot of books and have started talking about what labor will be like for mommy. Sam really wants to be at the birth and the plan is to have him there. The other day he said to me, "Mommy, I want the baby to come out because I am getting anxious to meet the placenta!" We've had lengthy discussions about the in's and out's of  baby making and I do mean ALL of the in's and out's associated! He is full of questions even at age 4. Arlo wants to know fairly regularly if the baby will "suck on my boobies".  His words. I think he's feeling like he isn't quite ready to be a big brother, but would rather be the baby again for a bit. We're trying to help him see that being a big boy has its privileges too. 

Big changes ahead for us all, but we'll adapt, as we keep doing when life challenges us!

Newness in the House

*Warning* This post includes pictures of the interior of the house right after the fire. If you do not want to see those images, do not scroll down. They are disturbing to some folks.

There has been some major progress at the house!! Things are moving along so quickly and we were told this week that we will be moving in the 2nd week of February! We had March 1st in our heads and when we got the good news that move in would be a couple weeks earlier, my stress level decreased so much.

I have a few progression pictures of some of the big things that have happened in the last few weeks, but I want to save the real "before and after" images for once it is all done and painted. Walls are being painted this week and floors begin going in late next week!

You can see below the progression of the siding. I am very happy with how it has turned out.
This is how the boys' bathroom looked just after the fire and then the stages since. There is a good shot of Joe the "plaster master" working on the walls! He was amazing to see in action.Our closet just after the fire and then the other day after Allen built the new shelves and such. I was able to "design" the placement of shelving and clothes rods...something I never thought I'd do.

Last is our master bath just after the fire and then the new shower stall that was completed this week. Of course there is still a shower door and fixtures to go in, but we were REALLY pleased with the tile work. We used to have a cast iron tub and decided we didn't need that and so chose to put in the shower. I can't wait to use it!

There will be more later!