An Era Has Ended

Otis at 1 month

I briefly mentioned this in a recent post, but as of about 10 days ago, Otis is weaned. The story is long and I am not sure I am ready to rewrite the whole thing now. I am feeling very torn by it all actually. It is hard for me to tell other people that he is weaned at 10 months and I wonder what they think. So many of the folks we know here, I feel, don't know me all that well beyond when we moved here and Arlo was 9 months then...my dedication to breastfeeding...I am still so submerged in the baby world with Otis being just 10 months. I see other mothers breastfeeding and I want to have those moments still. Like after Otis' naps, I want to nurse him. I want to nurse him first thing in the morning. My body still aches for those moments.
He is such a happy baby though and he seems to be very content with the milk he drinks (which is organic raw milk from a local dairy). In fact, he'll drink nealry 20 ounces of milk between 7 am and 12 noon. It is really amazing. He is sleeping all night and we rarely give him a bottle before 6 am, but during his waking hours, he packs it in!! We get 3 gallons of milk a week from the dairy and he consumes most of it!
I am mostly rambling about this. I wanted to document my feelings about it all and maybe I am just over-emotional about it because it is the end of an era! I will likely never breastfeed again. How can my child birthing years be done, when I feel like they just began?

Rediscovery

Matt took Sam and Arlo sledding this morning with another Dad friend and his three year old daughter.
I stayed behind with Otis. Besides the fact that he just had two immunizations on Thursday, he is also teething and that adds up a cranky baby...needless to say, I was hoping to get him to sleep and have some quiet time to fold laundry. Yes, you read that right, quiet time to fold laundry.

Things worked out as planned. Shower with baby. Give baby bottle (Otis hasn't nursed in 2 days. I think he has weaned. Not sure how I feel yet.) Put baby to sleep. Watch movie and fold laundry.

It was very nice...the quiet, that is. The quiet that lasted for 20 minutes when baby woke up and continued to be crabby.

Here is where the divine intervention occurred and I remembered our snow shoes in the basement.
I strapped them on and put Otis in his snow suit and into the backpacking kid pack and took off into Fenner Nature Center right out my front door.

The sun, cool air, exercise, quiet time in the woods did amazing things for me...and it put Otis to sleep.

I will be doing more snowshoeing. Pictures soon to follow.

Nothing is Safe!

Nothing is safe in this house anymore...Otis is on the move. Although is only army crawling, he is FAST! I absolutely can not assume he'll be safe anywhere unless he is in his high chair or crib. We knew it was coming and he is happier for it, but life is certainly different around here.

All the months of me warning Sam and Arlo that their toys would not be safe on the floor have come to fruition and Otis destroyed a balsa wood airplane yesterday. He can easily get to the Christmas tree and gravitates there first (I think we are taking it down on Friday!) My Dad brought Sam's old "Tot rider" (walker) and Otis loves it! He quickly figured out that he can move and while the bump in between the kitchen and dining room only kept him contained for a few minutes, he still only moves backwards!

Otis has three signs that he recognizably uses at this point, "all done", "more" and I am pretty sure he is using "poop/potty".

Otis' first Christmas was very sweet. My Grandma, Dad and sister were here and we sat by a fire and opened gifts, had a lovely and large Christmas dinner. We went sledding, we made candy...we did all the usual holiday celebrations and though I am usually feeling down about this time of year, I feel pretty good these days.

December was a busy month for us with parties every weekend and school events and I am just glad that it all went so smoothly! I feel like I was was orchestrating a huge holiday event called, "Family Life". It is a lot of work creating a month long experience for three kids! My office looked like Santa's workshop for weeks and now it looks like a department store that just had its going out of business sale, with strips of ribbon and little pieces of wrapping paper strewn on the floor and empty boxes haphazardly piled in the corner. I'll get down there and clean it all up once my motivation returns from its vacation. I think that will happen when Sam returns to school.

I did loose my mind momentarily when I signed Sam up for a swim class at the YMCA for Tuesday afternoons. As it works out I will be taking FOUR kids to the Y for swimming once a week for 6 weeks (Sam's friend from school will be joining us)! Yes, like I said, I lost my mind momentarily. By the time it returned, the damage had been done. I think it will probably be crazy, but worth it and I never really liked my life much when it wasn't crazy anyway, right?

Arlito Turned Three!

Matt asked me recently if Facebook had taken the place of my blog and I said no, but after sitting down to post about Arlo's birthday and realizing that it has been a month since my last post....maybe he is right! I guess look for me on facebook...or don't and help me reconnect with my blog. I really want to.

So my sweet middle son turned three on December 5! It really is amazing how fast they grow up. It seems like yesterday I was writing about his birth.
Arlo is such a darling boy...when he wants to be (which is most of the time)! We went through the potty training haze a few weeks ago and shortly before we made the plunge and just did away with the diapers, Arlo was a monster. I think it was a developmental "bump in the road". He was so disagreeable to everything and had tantrum after tantrum, but once he made major progress his behavior changed. I feel like I can safely write that he has officially learned!! It is really nice to only have one child in diapers...the first time for me since Arlo was born. He is very proud of himself and we are so proud of him.

His favorite thing to do right now is imaginary play with Sam and they will do it for hours! I am not kidding. I have been feeling like the luckiest mom lately with my two older boys entertaining themselves in an imaginary world all day and a baby who sits and watches it all happen happily. There are some days when I just can't believe it is true...then someone screams or gets hit with a light saber and I remember that I do have real kids!

Arlo will wear a red cape pretty much every day and sometimes that is all he wears! He and Sam are really loving anything Star Wars related. Matt and the boys along with Uncle Andy and Grandma watched the first two Star Wars movies during Thanksgiving break. They LOVED them!! I was a little dubious about the movies and the boys' ages, but they did fine and really have been "in another world" with their play since then.
I can't think of any better than watching them pretend they are in an imaginary place! Yesterday they were telling each other that they were best friends. It was so sweet.

Arlo wears a size 3T, but just barely! He weighs 35 pounds and I am not sure of his height. He still needs to have his 3 year check up which will likely be after Christmas.

Right now he has a sinus infection and is coughing all the time. He is on amoxicillan and a nasal spray. I was able to convince him to use the neti pot in the shower with me last night and he seems to be doing better today, though he is still pretty mellow and tired. Kind of a nice change for me, but I feel bad for him because I know he is not up to par.

Arlo really wants to go to school and because his birthday falls 4 days after the district cut off date, he'll be home for 2 more years before he can start the Spanish Immersion program Sam is in. We may look into something for him part-time next year, but it is very expensive. I have been trying to participate in other activities for him on a regular basis, but with Otis and Sam (or Arlo) getting sick every other day (it feels like), we haven't been able to maintain much of a regular routine aside from going to the YMCA 2-3 times a week. He does enjoy the tot-watch there and there are lots of other kids his age, but there is no organized play and sometimes the TV is on the entire 90 minutes I am working out. However, I know we'll figure something out eventually and most days he is happy to just be at home all day (as am I, when we can actually do that!)

Perhaps I am just biased, but Arlo is a very clever 3 year old. He will ask questions or make statements that astound me. For example, yesterday we were in Target and he said (a bit louder than I would have liked), "Mommy, I have a birthday because I came out of your vagina, right?"
Yeah, like I said, clever.
He is also extremely polite saying "thank you" after everything!

He's been climbing into our bed every early morning lately and he snuggles up right next to me and goes back to sleep. Some mornings I don't even notice that he has climbed in until we wake up for the day. I am really enjoying it as he has never really been a cuddler, like Sam. I am trying to absorb all I can while I can.

I was afraid after I had Otis that Arlo would get lost in the mix, but so far he is holding his own and I am so thankful. He is really becoming a big helper with Otis too and wants to feed him and get toys for him. I love my days with him when Sam is at school and the days when we are all together.

And a Month Passes By...

It seems when the week begins I dread the early mornings of school drop off and nap time fights, then I blink and it is Friday afternoon and a weight has been lifted from my mind...then I blink again and I am dreading the week's beginning again and before you know it a month passes by.

I remember my mom telling me that once you have children time seems to pass faster and I think that the more children you have increases that sensation exponentially!

Here is what has happened in the last month in the form of a list:

• Otis cut2 more teeth and now has 8 total. He is still sitting-ish, trying to crawl, but falling on his belly and spinning in a circle! It is very cute.
• Sam has made at least one drawing a day, if not more and can draw so well! I love being involved with him making art.
  
• Arlo is making it closer to being potty trained, though he still fights it most of the time. We've tried all tactics at this point and the next step is to simply stop using diapers. Cross your fingers for us.
• I read all 4 Twilight books in two weeks and started seeing vampires everywhere I looked. I really enjoyed the escape and it has started me on a reading binge, which is really, really nice!
• Matt tried to ride his bike to work one morning, only find that the pine squirrels in our garage had filled his saddle bag with munched nuts! HA! He proceeded to try to kill the squirrels, but failed.
• I set the yard on fire with the lawn mower trying to mow up the leaves. I am now banned from mowing when Matt is not around to help put out fires. No kidding.
• Our friend Nik shot two bucks in our back yard with his bow. One was a 7 year old, 9 point buck weighing 240 pounds dressed. We will have venison in our freezer soon.
• Otis woke with a nasty fever that kept rising until it spiked this afternoon at 104.5 degrees (rectal). Both Matt and I are still a little worried, but out pediatrician assures us we're doing all the right things and the ER is not necessary yet.
• We clebrated Halloween for the first time in our neighborhood. Sam was a knight, Arlo was Superman, and Otis was a lamb.
• Matt and I dressed as 70's disco studs and went to an adult Halloween party. It was a lot of fun!
• The leaves have all dropped here at our homestead. The chickens are ready for winter and the yard is mostly ready.
• This weekend was unseasonable warm so we spent it trying to finish up last minute "get-ready-for-winter" tasks including scraping and painting the front door frame. It looks nice now.
• My sister applied for a job transfer to East Lansing, had two rounds of interviews and will hear the final decision this week. We are on pins and needles wondering if she'll move here.
• Sam has a loose tooth.
• The cat killed a mouse in the basement and then put it in her empty food dish. She has a great sense of humor.
• We had 25 turkeys wander through our yard this afternoon. That is the most yet at one time. I was thinking about Thanksgiving when they walked by.
• I no longer have a cell phone for the first time in 7 years. We now have a home phone which Sam will answer if he can get to it first. If you don't have our number, email me and I will give it to you.
• I am still knitting a sock I started in June.
• I have been going to the YMCA 3 times a week and am beginning to notice a difference.
  
• We had mold removed from our basement and now I have an office space again.
  

Six Months...Now Seven

Otis turned six months old last month! I started this post then and here were are at seven months old!

Whether it be that he is the third baby or that I am more comfortable with nature taking it's course in the realm of health issues; Otis had his first pediatrician appointment right after he became six months old.

He weighed 20 pounds and was 27 inches long! He is wearing size 12 months strongly and last night I put him in and 18 month size footed sleeper. His feet filled the slippers!

He sits really well now and is making major signs of movement. Today he scooted about 2 feet across the carpet while I was sitting in the chair beside him reading my book.

He's nursing like a champ again and all the issues we were having have subsided! I took Fenugreek and pumped for a while and then he started nursing lots and now I don't even need the Fenugreek anymore. We've been working with him on putting himself to sleep and sleeping longer stretches at night and he seems to be responding with ease. I am so glad. We had a very rough month where I was getting less than 4 hours of sleep a night. My under eye concealer was becoming my best friend. Last night he went down for a nap at 4:30 pm and slept until 4:30 am, nursed, then slept until 7 am!! That is a bit unusual, but we are getting from 8 pm until about 3 or 4 am now without a waking. I can lay him down in his crib awake and he'll just babble himself to sleep. So sweet.

He giggles and laughs a lot and has lots of babbling words like "ba, ba, ba" and "da, da, da", and "bumpfff". It is fun to hear him talk.

He's becoming more aware of strangers and will sometimes cry when a particularly large man gets too close to him and he is definitely my little "cling-on" most of the time. I have a great back-carrying pod that I love and wear him in a lot.

Otis has five teeth (three on bottom and two one top) and the sixth tooth is getting ready to push through any day. The teeth sure do help him with his eating! He can feed himself cheerios and little finger foods of the like. He seems to be doing fine with dairy baked into foods and I hope he'll be ok with milk and yogurt in a few months. He LOVES meat and tonight ate a piece of venison 2 inches in diameter!

He really is a a very jolly baby and I am so thankful. Getting ready to crawl, he'll sit and then lean forward onto his arms, rock back and forth and eventually end up on his tummy. Everyday he is a bit closer though and I know my life will be very different once he's a mover. I am enjoying the "sit and play" days while I have them.

News on the big brother front: Sam has a loose tooth on top and Arlo is making major potty training progress, though not without a fight.
More in the big kids later....

Finding Comfort

Being married and having children at younger ages (wed at 22 and birthed at 26, 29, and 31), has forced me to age earlier. I don't mind it; in fact I am really excited about the transition in life I am about to make. I think my thirties and forties will be exciting years. I am going to get to watch my children grow and pursue some things for myself at the same time. I have found comfort in where we are in our lives.

In the last 6 weeks or so I have been having some trouble maintaining a sufficient milk supply for Otis. I never thought this would be an issue for me. I nursed Sam strongly for 2 years and Arlo for 16 months. Never once did I have more than a minor nursing issue.
It has been important to me to parent in such a way that I foster and nurture the attachment relationship with my children. I consider breastfeeding to be one of the core elements. This situation I am in is very foreign to me and I am not happy about it.
As my milk supply has decreased, Otis has been more and more reluctant to nurse. We've been supplementing with little bits of solid food, but rapidly he is wanting MORE! He loves it and has only encountered one foe so far: carrots!
In the last week he's been waking at night, wanting to nurse but becoming very frustrated with my lack of milk and extremely slow let-down (3 minutes or more) and just giving up and refusing the breast. It is not a good feeling to have your baby refuse your breast.
Those of you that know me well will know that when I write that I have been extremely reluctant to offer any other supplements, you know I mean it with valor.
However, after two particularly rough nights, we have started giving Otis some goats milk in a bottle. I offer him the breast first, but if he refuses I will give him a bottle.
He loves it.
Tonight he drank 4.5 ounces of goats milk, about a 1/3 cup of peaches with oatmeal cereal, nursed on both sides (based on my pumping experience, I'd guess it was about 5 ounces of breast milk) and he gummed a teething biscuit to death. Now he is sleeping soundly and should be with a tummy as full as he must have!
Becoming comfortable with this is very, very hard for me. Part of me feels like I am failing Otis; part of me is embarrassed; part of me is scared to tell some of my friends, as crazy as that sounds. Most of me knows this is all okay and is such a minor thing in the grand scheme of raising him; that there will be much harder challenges in the future. I just never thought I that I would find myself having to remember to grab a bottle of milk before I head upstairs to bed.
Tonight when I nursed Otis he fell asleep at my breast and he hasn't done that in months. It felt wonderful and easy. Nursing Otis up to this point has not been wonderful and easy and so I am now comforted just a little bit...