New Blog Title

After reading a few of my friends blogs and looking at blogs online I realized that the header and title of my blog really didn't fit me or my family. So after lots of thinking and deliberating...I have come up with "AT HOME". I think that these two words really describe me right now. I am going to leave the URL the same so people can still find me...but I am at home.

I read a great article while working out today in the Jan.2004 issue of "O" magazine. It was written by a woman who was a travelling author and then had a baby with her husband. It was well written and I can't find the article online...I will keep looking and post it when I find it. I read another article about a women who lost 175 pounds and it was really great too. I had underestimated that magazine. Not that I am getting a subscription or anything...but I will be more likely to pick it up at the gym!

Portland...Part 2

Portland continued...

This conference, being agricultural, was predominately male. I have never attended a conference with Matt that was this big and out of state. So, I was under the assumption that there would be more "wives" there and that I would have more interaction with adults. I did not, however and was a little disappointed about that. The first day we were there a social gathering was hosted so that the conference attendees (and spouses/families...of which we were the only family, only 2 other spouses) could socialize and have a few pre-dinner drinks and catch up. It was rather formal and all the men looking nice (a work casual) had drinks in hand, were forming little groups all over the ballroom with old AG friends and co-workers chatting. Then Matt, Sam and I arrive. All of a sudden there is this toddler running around, weaving in and out of legs and under the tables and up and down and up and down the escalators....it was all I could do to keep up with him and keep him happy. (This is after doing this all day in the city in the rain.) Matt offered to get me a drink and then take Sam so I could chat a little with the few folks I knew. As he was winding his way through the crowd to the bar, I lost him and found myself lodged in the middle of three men. One of them men, very tall, said loudly to me, "Who are you?, Why are you here?" I politely said I was Matt's wife and Sam and I were along for the fun in the city. He continued to go on about how he knew Matt and how he thought Matt's glasses looked very dorky! Then he told me how attractive he thought I was and wondered if I was trying to sell Sam so I could be alone!! I was appalled and nervous and angry and lost. I didn't quite know how to respond, but managed something polite and then quickly wiggled myself away from him. UGH! I always attract the crazies! So, later, drink in hand, I was able to chat with the few folks I knew and it ended up being a nice event. However, after that I stayed clear of the conference "activities"!

Thus, I spent the remainder of the trip with just Sam and occasionally Matt. I enjoyed my time there, but it was a lot of work!! More work than being at home with Sam!! I never though I'd say it, but I am not sure I will go with Matt to another conference until the kid(s) are older! A toddler in the city is trouble waiting to happen! When we'd walk on the sidewalk Sam wanted to walk on his own without holding my hand. Which was fine, but I had to be so extremely attentive as he has NO street smarts (after all he is only 20 months). Then if I tried to hold his hand he'd make a big stink, so being in the stroller was better for me, except then Sam didn't like it. The buses require you to hold the kids on your lap and they can't be in a stroller...that was something Sam didn't like. PLUS, the buses were so crowded that the stroller seemed to take up so much space and just be in the way. Not to mention the rain again....

I don't want to sound like I am complaining...I shouldn't be, but it was much, much harder and more lonely that I though it was going to be.

Portland...the Adventure

On Tuesday the 10th, Matt, Sam and I piled into our little Mazda, packed to the gills, and drove the 6 hours to Portland, Oregon. Matt was to attend a Tree Fruit Disease Conference and Sam and I were to accompany for support, good city eats, and the luxury of the downtown Hilton.

So, as some of you may know I have travelled a fair amount in my short lifetime and I have been in most of the major cities in our fair country. However, I NEVER stay in really nice places and I was very excited to be staying at one of the famous Hilton Hotels right in downtown Portland! I was imagining being waited on left and right and having all the usual feed amenities for free, 5,000 thread count Egyptian cotton sheets, and whirlpool tub in our room with a mini bar...etc, you get the idea. So, here is my critique of the Portland Hilton:

1. You aren't getting what you are paying for! Our room on the 12th floor had a nice view of the office building across the street and some of the downtown area. Not bad and I enjoyed the corner room with lots of windows. We were paying $115/night. In the room we had 2, double beds (okay, you co-sleeping families know that a double bed is hard enough for two parents to sleep in, let alone an entire family. We tried to get a room with 2 queen size beds...no go, it was either the 2 double beds or one king..we stuck with the two double beds), a tv, two night stands and 2 telephones..oh, and an alarm clock that allowed us to plug in our Mp3 player (that was pretty cool). The bathroom was no nicer than one at a Best Western. However, the sheets and beds were amazing!! There were feather beds and the sheets were like 5,000 thread count Egyptian Cotton!!

2. Parking was not included! Okay, so Maybe I am not a city person, but we had to pay extra for parking...on top of out $115/night...another $18/day and that was for self parking! If we had chosen valet, it was $23/day. I can see paying something for parking,after all, our car was safe and indoors, but $18/day! Geesh!

3. Internet was not free! Yes, on top of the $115/ night charge (which I might add was a conference room rate, the rooms usually go for $125-$150/night) they charged $9.95/24 hours of hi-speed internet access, though we could access it in our room. If we used the computer supplied by the Hilton in the lobby the rate was $25/minute! I stayed at a Comfort Inn here in Wenatchee (also a 3 diamond establishment according to the 2005 AAA catalogue), and internet was FREE!

4. The staff was great! All of the staff that I had interactions with (including much help from the concierges for directions, the waitstaff in the restaurant, the housekeepers and the front desk folks) were wonderful and very helpful.

Okay, so all-in-all our total bill when we left on Friday was over $500 (including some meals we had charged to the room)!! Now, WSU is picking up a majority of that so I really can't complain....HOWEVER, having stayed there on someone else's dollar, I now know that for $115+/night plus the cost of parking, I would stay somewhere else. I was curious after our stay what AAA had to say about it so I looked it up and the Portland Downtown Hilton was rated with 3 diamonds, middle of the road. I would agree with that! I expected more from you, Paris!!

Okay enough about the hotel...Portland itself was great! It rained the entire time were there, but we jerry rigged a poncho rain shelter for Sam in the stroller and donned our waterproof shoes and explored. We found...

1. A great boheme neighborhood called the Hawthorne District (Thanks, Jane!) with some great Indian and Thai food, an awesome health food store with the best vegan brownies in the world and some really hip little shops!

2. The Portland Zoo! Great fun and one of the nicest zoos I have been to in this country! Very well maintained, easy to get around and small enough you could see it all in a morning, maybe longer with older kids and no rain!

3. The Portland Children's Museum! AWESOME!!! Well worth the $14 ($7 for me and $7 for Sam) admission. There was a travelling Sesame Street exhibit well designed for kids and adults to remember their childhoods, amazing little exploration rooms all designed for the toddler/preschool age, but also for older kids with a water room ,a tree house/building room, an art WING, a dig pit, a miniature grocery store with all the fixin's! I HIGHLY recommend this for anyone who visits Portland with small kids!

4. Re-discovered POWELLS books. A great new/used book store that encompasses an entire city block. Now, Sam threw one of his biggest tantrums here and after leaving and a 2 block walk in the rain, he calmed and I was able to look for about 20 minutes. A great place to spend a few hours (or all day) without kids!

It was a nice trip and we really enjoyed the city. There will be another entry later about what is was like being the "wife of" at a predominately male conference, travelling in the city with a very energetic toddler and how much I am glad to live in a smaller town! More later...

Dream #2

I had another dream about Tim last night. This time he was living in a small house in my backyard and I would take meals to him and talk with him. Matt knew about him living there and didn't seem to be bothered by it. How strange!

This morning I went skiing all by myself while Matt stayed with Sam for 3 hours. I listened to music as I ran the slopes and had a very nice time. As I was leaving there were to people getting ready to head up to the hill, bent over fastening ski boots. My heart skipped a beat as I thought the man in the couple was Tim! Of course, it wasn't, but for a few moments I sure thought it was. I have had "Tim sightings" over the years and one in particular where I still it could have been him. I never approached him though and I guess I may never find out where he is or what he is doing. It makes me a little sad. I think he is the only person from my past that I care to know about and don't.

Missing the History

Last night I had a very powerful dream about my first real love, Tim. In this dream we ran into each other on the street in Bozeman, MT (where we lived together and left each other). It was so wonderful to see him. We had coffee and talked and it was a really warm conversation. Today I really miss him. I often wonder what happened to him and where he is; if he has a family now, etc. Dreams are so powerful to me and this one won't leave.

As I sat in the sun in our living folding laundry this afternoon I started thinking about why I miss Tim . I then realized that I not only miss Tim, but I miss Kristy, Julie, Becky, Lisa, Dave, Tara, Laura, Jane, Raven, Jill, Andrea, Megan, Ann, Corey, Laura B., my mom and dad....so many people that I share histories with. I miss the history. I miss talkng about our lives together and laughing. I miss having people in my life, day to day, that know me to my core because of our history together.

Madonna

One of my Christmas gifts from Matt was an Mp.3 player so I can listen to my favorite music while I work out or while Sam is sleeping and not disturb him. So tonight i have been downloading music and I stumbled across my "Immaculate Collection" CD and forgot how much I enjoy Madonna's music from the 80's and 90's! If you don't have it you should get it and if you do have it put it in and dance!

Parenting

I thought that as Sam got older parenting would get easier for a number of reasons...

1. He'd be older and more mature, independent, and self-motivated.


2. We'd have better communication with words and eventually be able to reason with one another.


3. Our relationship would have time to develop and settle.

All of these things have happened to a certain level and yet parenting has become harder. I still love being a parent and look forward to having another child; however, I am more scared now about parenting than I was before we had Sam!

Today I had a tough conversation with a friend about Sam's recent behaviour. Sam has been playing more rough with other kids (not hitting or biting, but just rough play). He is an energetic boy and not all of the other kids in our playgroup are as energetic as he is. He has definitely played in ways that are undesirable and I feel that I have interacted with him ways that will deter these behaviours as he listens, interprets, and learns how to interact with other kids. My friend told me that she no longer wants her son to play with Sam outside of playgroups and this hurt my feelings. I understand her perspective and respect it. However, it was the manner in which she communicated her feelings. Instead of just talking to me about it, she gave me the cold shoulder and when I sensed her distance and asked about it, only then did she express her feelings about Sam's behaviour.

The whole conversation has been haunting me today for a few reasons and I can't decide if it is because I am having sincere feelings about it or if it is because I started my period today and everything seems dramatic! I have talked with 3 good friends on the phone and I feel better after hearing different perspectives, but am still dwelling and sulking and weeping randomly. Sound like my hormones mostly, now that I reflect on my writings. One more good reason to continue the blog!